I haven’t posted in a while because everything is getting to be too much to cope with, and there are so many things going on at the moment, and life is basically rubbish. I’m really sorry about this, and I will try to write more regularly. I also have tonsillitis, which is really not nice, and so that’s another contributing factor as to why I haven’t posted in a while.
Really sorry for the short, boring post, I might write more tomorrow if life decides to improve a bit.
I’ve been promising to write this post for a while now, so here it is…
I’m sixteen years old, and I am in an abusive relationship. My boyfriend emotionally, physically, and sexually abuses me, and this is something that makes me feel so small, stupid and worthless, but despite feeling like this, I still can’t summon up the courage to leave him.
It all started in January. I had known him for a while, and when he eventually asked me out, I said yes! I thought that this was the best thing ever, and I was so happy. It was fine for that first month, but at the beginning of Feburary, he started to say some horrible things to me, and started to put me down all of the time. Soon after that, he hit me for the first time, and things started to get worse. I was no longer happy, but living in constant fear of what he’d do next. No one knew what was going on, and I felt all alone; after all, no one would care if I told them the truth, so I just told them that I must have got the black eye when I walked into the door, or I’d try to cover the marks up with baggy clothes and lots of makeup. This worked, and no one worked out what was going on. At this point, towards the end of February, he was emotionally and physically abusing me, and things were going downhill very quickly. My mental health was worsening, and I was getting more and more stressed.
At the beginning of March, he first sexually abused me. He’d touch me in inappropriate places without my consent, and he’d try to get me to have sex with him, which I did not want to do. At first, I told him that I didn’t want to have sex with him and he listened to me, but eventually, everytime I said no, he’d hit me harder. At this point he was forcing me to have sex with him for anything up to two or three times per day. I hated it. He was still emotionally and physically abusing me, I was also in and out of hospital for my mental health issues, and this was going on.
At the weekend, I tried to stand up to him. It resulted in him pushing me down, and forcing himself upon me and having sex with me without my consent. He left hand shaped bruises all over my body, and he bruised my ribs so badly that I was struggling to breathe. I was in agony and I felt disgusting.
I eventually plucked up the courage to tell my friend about some of the stuff he’s done, and she is trying to get me to leave him. I know she’s right, but I just can’t do it. I’m terrified of what will happen if I do, and I don’t want things to get worse. He keeps texting me, and is trying to get me to leave all of the group chats on Facebook, and is also isolating me from my friends. Everytime I see him, he feels compelled to read all of my texts, and he gets more controlling. I don’t know what to do anymore, and everytime I see him, it gets worse.
I’m really sorry for the long post, obviously that isn’t the whole story, I haven’t gone into much detail, and I’ve made things seem slightly better than they are; I might write some more about it at some point, I don’t know.
If you have any questions, then feel free to ask me.
People don’t seem to notice when I have an injury. I saw my boyfriend at the weekend, and he’s abusive. I have a large purple bruise on my right cheek, and on Monday night, I went to play in an orchestra where there were about one hundred other people playing. Most of which I would class as my friends, but not one noticed this enormous purple bruise. Not one person. It just shows how insignificant I actually am, and how little people care about me. Oh well, I should stop being so selfish and I should stop expecting people to notice these things which probably don’t matter anyway.
I promise I will write about my boyfriend and go into more detail, and I will do that later, I have stuff to do at the moment, I promise to write in detail about my experiences in my current relationship, I’m really sorry that I haven’t done it sooner, life has just been getting in the way a bit… More on that later as well.
Sorry for the brief and boring post!
Loads of people have been reading my post on abusive relationships, and I wrote it a while ago now, so I’m quite shocked that people are still looking at it!
I might right a bit more about my experience in an abusive relationship at some point today? I don’t know though, and I don’t know what I’d include? Any suggestions or comments or anything?
Okay, so I’m in an abusive relationship. I’m going out with this boy who is a year older than me, and he hits me calls me horrible things, and sexually assaults me on a regular basis. I hate this. I really want it all to stop, but I can’t get it to stop. I don’t know what to do. He brings my self esteem down, and makes me delve deeper into my mental health issues. No one knows about this. I hate everything.
I was on Facebook earlier, and there was a news article so I clicked on it. What I saw really annoyed me and is shown in the photos below. I don’t know what to say or think.
I’m feeling so homesick right now. Everything seems to be triggering me, and I just want my old life back.
I hate life.
I hate the world.
I hate the doctors.
I hate the nurses.
I hate people.
I hate anorexia.
I hate everything.
I think I need to tell the rest of my friends where I am and what’s going on, but I don’t know what to say or anything. Any suggestions?
I was texting my friend last night, and she made me realise that in order to get rid of the tube and go home, I need to eat first.
I think I’m going to actually try to recover and then I can go home and see my friends again.
I don’t know, it makes me feel quite guilty even thinking about recovering.
Okay, so apparently the fact that I’m in hospital is because I lack control. Maybe that’s not entirely true, maybe it’s because I’m trying to control my life too much?
I don’t know, just a thought.
Pro-anorexics really frustrate me. There are so many of them out there, and even some on here. I’ve just come across one when I logged on to check my notifications, and and they were openly encouraging others to starve themselves. I commented on their blog, and gave my opinions about what they were doing, but I’m still waiting for a response, and I doubt I’ll get one.
These people could seriously trigger those recovering from eating disorders, and they’ve thrown be back in my recovery as well.
They should appreciate their good mental health, and not try to be like someone with an eating disorder. Eating disorders are not good, and I wouldn’t wish my anorexia upon anyone.
I have so much more to say on the subject of pro-anorexics, but I can’t do it now without upsetting myself, and annoying all of the other bloggers and readers.
I’m sorry, rant over.
mymentalhealthissues 